Photo by Naomi Tamar on Unsplash
By Federica Lupis, https://www.federicalupis.com/
Author of "Fluent On The First Try" and "Why You're Not Fluent and How To Fix It"
Language trainer, interpreter and translator.
One day after school, I marched towards my mum’s car with my arms crossed and my face covered in tears.
‘What happened, honey?’ my mum asked.
‘Nothing. I don’t want to talk about this. Nobody understands.’
‘Okay, but you know I’m your mum, and I’ll always be on your side…’
‘Cars will fly’, I said. ‘They’ll see. One day, cars will fly.’
My mum paused for a second, then smiled and said, ‘Of course they will. Why shouldn’t they?’
‘You believe me?’ I said, wiping my tears away. ‘I told A. cars will fly one day. Like in Back to the future, you know? And he’s been going around telling everyone I have the brain of a monkey. We landed on the moon; why shouldn’t we learn how to fly a car?’
I was 10 at the time and thought I had just lost all my credibility in the eyes of my schoolmates.
‘Honey… people will always try to put you in a box. Let them talk and continue to follow your heart’.
I’m not sure my mum actually believed cars would fly one day, but she was open to the possibility, and that meant the world to me.
The next day, A. was waiting for me at recess.
‘Here’s the monkey’, he said, laughing out loud. I turned around smiling and said, ‘I’d rather have a monkey’s brain than yours.’
A. was taken aback by my reaction, made a funny face and walked away...
(And just in case you’re reading, dear A., the technology is already here, and we may be able to use flying cars as soon as 2030. Will you try one?)
This childhood memory came back to me recently when someone asked me: ‘Why are you learning Japanese? It will take years before you can talk like a child. Aren’t you wasting your time?’
‘Yup. Probably.’ I said as I continued to sip my drink.
I didn’t react. I like to think I’ve matured, but it may have been thanks to the wine… Either way, that’s when I got the idea for this article. Enjoy!
‘You can’t do this.’ ‘Yes. I can.’
Let’s face it: sometimes learning a language sucks. It’s hard enough when we try to make more space in our seemingly limited memory. The last thing we need is some cheap advice on how our life would be better if we just stopped trying.
These free consultants, who are kindly volunteering their time, are very clear about the outcome of our endeavour and the reasons for its failure. They range from ‘It’s hard’, ‘Where will you find the time?’, ‘Aren’t you too old?’ to ‘Why don’t you learn programming? Or cybersecurity? Even investing would be more useful!’
Well, thank you very much. Maybe I can give you my passport, and with some tweaking, you can take my identity?
Okay… I’m getting carried away. But I know how hard it is to put your heart into a project, only to be greeted by the voice of ‘mature’ and ‘reasonable’ advice.
You are doing something amazing.
You are not just learning a language. You are embracing a new way of seeing the world, a new culture, a new way of thinking!
And despite my stinging remarks, most free consultants mean no harm. They’re just trying to help.
The real reason we react is that we start doubting ourselves...
When A. told me that cars would never fly, I was more upset at myself than I was at him.
I doubted myself and was angry for believing such ‘nonsense’, but as soon as I regained control, A.’s words lost their power. There was nothing he could say to make me change my mind.
So, in retrospect, I should have called this article:
‘You’ll tell yourself you can’t do this. Don’t listen!’
When learning a language, self-sabotage could range from ‘It’s too hard’, ‘Where will I find the time?’, ‘I’m too old for this!’ to ‘Maybe I should learn programming? Or cybersecurity? Why not investing?’
In case that rings a bell, your memory is not playing a trick on you. This is exactly what free consultants would tell you.
Do you want to know the solution?
Treat your self-doubt like you would treat a free consultant. Ignore it!
Doubt will always try to creep into your life and make you give up on what you really want to do!
When this happens, ask yourself a simple question:
‘If I were a millionaire and I didn’t have to worry about working, studying, taking care of the garden or the house… would I learn a language?’
If your answer is yes, the rest is nothing but some background noise!
Thanks for reading. I’ll catch you all soon!
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